The Inner Wounded Child

Pain, anger, unresolved grief, a feeling of loss, struggle and despair and eventually addiction is the bitter reality of young adults who are abused as children either physically, emotionally and sexually by their accomplices. 

Child abuse in its myriad ways is common and is a sad story of a slow death of an inner wounded child. It is a nightmare without an end that leaves him/her with indescribable emotional scars. These victims dread waking up every day as they are forced to deal with the trauma in an abject despair and helplessness.

In the wake of these tragedies, one helplessly wonders whether or not these abusers are worried about divine retribution. What if it was their beloved sibling or child at the receiving end of such cruelty? The biggest concern is the sum of the griefs resulting in an unfortunate outcome of substance abuse well in their early adulthood. We might have been reading and hearing these stories for years together now, but, oh dear! The reality is much scarier than the portrayal. These incidents are nothing but stupefying loss of precious lives in the hands of unworthy human beings.

Let’s now delve into the specifics of child abuse for a better understanding

What is child abuse?

Any ill treatment or neglect that causes harm to the physical or emotional well-being of a child 18 years old or younger is called child abuse. The abuse is generally caused by an adult, often one with a role of care taker in the child’s life. Child abuse happens in all cultural, ethnic, and income groups.

Child abuse generally has bitter consequences for the psychological development of children. Their mental equipment is neither as well developed as adults nor is it capable of helping them understand the experiences they are going through. Therefore, they will be incapable of releasing any anger, guilt, violation, shame that they may be storing within (as a result of abuse) which is the primary first step in self-healing.

These children eventually grow up to abuse substances to cope with their pain. The association between trauma history, trauma-related psychopathology and addiction has been a subject of interest for many psychologists who opine that a more advanced, comprehensive, preventive health supervision is required to monitor the physical and emotional well-being of children and also prevent abuse.

Why is child abuse a major concern?

Child abuse and neglect are most notorious barriers in the context of a child’s brain development, and their potential effects on developing brain structures on the onset of certain negative outcomes as adults. Most importantly, abused and neglected children often are exposed to multiple stressors in addition to experiences of abuse and neglect, and the potential consequences may manifest at different points in a child’s development.

Types of child abuse:

a. Neglect

Neglect occurs when the basic needs of a child, such as food, housing, clothing, education and medical care are neglected. Though this is a common scene is families with limited means, parents who are chemically dependent also cannot provide for or be in a state to address their children’s basic needs as the addiction steals most time of their life.

Some examples of neglect include:

• Not maintaining the hygiene of the child.
• Not seeking medical intervention when the child is sick.
• Leaving the child at home or in the car alone for longer periods of time.
• Not providing suitable clothing for child depending on the seasons.
• Not providing nutritious food for the child.
• Not joining him/her in a school.

Children who are neglected may be left in a situation where they’re more likely to experience other types of abuse or harm.

b. Physical abuse

The intentional use of physical force to harm or control a child is called physical abuse. Physical abuse is common in families with one or more psychotic parents or caregivers who are impatient and also control freaks. Parents who are addicted also physically abuse children while intoxicated.

Examples of physical abuse include:

• Beating, shaking, throwing, or hitting children
• Forcing children to run or exercise as punishment
• Burning skin of the children with a heated metallic device to create fear
• Pinching, slapping, or tripping
• Poisoning to get rid of children
• Forcing the child into a stressed physical position or tying them down
• Withholding sleep, food, or medication

c. Emotional and psychological abuse

This is the most powerful form of abuse that is invisible yet impactful. Emotional abuse is said to have taken place when an adult purposefully harms a child’s self-worth or well-being by repeatedly communicating to the child that they’re somehow inadequate, worthless, or unloved. This is also called verbal abuse.

Examples of emotional abuse include:

• Controlling children through “silent treatment”
• Repeatedly conveying to children that they’re “bad,” “not worthy,” or “a mistake”
• Shouting or yelling to silence them
• Muting their voice of concern
• Threatening and bullying
• Having them emotionally blackmailed
• Withholding words of affirmation and love
• Avoiding physical contact

d. Sexual Abuse

The act of forcing or coercing a child to participate in sexual activities by threatening or blackmailing is called sexual abuse. Sexual abuse can occur even when not in physical contact with the child. For example, actions that cause sexual arousal in another person as the result of a child’s behaviour or actions conveying the same to the child are also considered sexual abuse.

Examples of sexual abuse include:

• Rape
• Forced penetration, including oral sex
• Non-penetrative sexual contact, such as touching, kissing, rubbing, or masturbating
• Talking dirty to or telling inappropriate jokes or stories to the children
• Persuading a child to undress
• Watching others perform sexual acts along with children or forcing a child to watch sexual acts
• Flashing or exposing oneself inappropriately to a child
• Teaching sexually inappropriate behaviour
• Specifically grooming a child for future sexual contact

How to identify sexual abuse in children?

Bruises can be a tell-tale sign of abuse in children which unfortunately overlap with sport related injuries. So, it can be hard to tell whether or not they are from abuse. However, some shared symptoms of all kinds of abuse include:

• Showing sudden, dramatic changes in behaviour.
• Avoiding social situations
• Being withdrawn, passive, or compliant in an unusual manner
• Avoiding going to a specific place when other places don’t bother them
• Resisting being around a specific person
• Talking about things that they have not been taught.
• Talking of injuries and pain
• Bedwetting even after being potty trained.
• Nightmares

What happens to children who have been abused?

Abuse and neglect can cause lasting negative consequences on a child’s emotional and physical development. Children who have been abused or neglected may experience guilt, shame, anxiety, depression, future victimisation, conduct disorders, and decreased brain development, all of which may pave the way to substance abuse and addiction in early adulthood. That’s why it’s vital that children who’ve experienced abuse or neglect receive immediate and ongoing treatment. An expert, tailored treatment program not only helps them recover in the short term but also cope with any lasting effects. 

What to do if you suspect child abuse?

If you notice that your child is behaving abnormally and suspect an abuse, you should immediately talk to them about it. Though it may feel difficult to know about the story of their abuse, it is quintessential to have them spoken up about it to help them ease pain. Reporting in the emergency services and finding a good rehab for follow up care is the next important step. Unaddressed childhood wounds have been the root cause of addiction in more than 90% of cases where a medical intervention in childhood would have helped.

The best treatment for children who have been abused is a safe, stable, and nurturing environment where they can prosper and heal. But before that’s possible, children need help access to the much needed treatment that helps them heal and recover.

Finding an expert therapist is a good place to start.